I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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