On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The struggles of a small town man whore
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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