so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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