Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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