we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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