So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize