Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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