I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
