did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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