I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
