i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
im on a boat
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