You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize