How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
