I want to have your abortion
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
