She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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