woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
