I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
