new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
