I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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