I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
