I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
