miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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