There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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