Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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