Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
