I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
