I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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