apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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