Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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