so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize