Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
