There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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