i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
