Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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