Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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