question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
