how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize