So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
