After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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