I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
