I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
