at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
