There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
