I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
