I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
