Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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