Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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