he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we're making bets on your personal life
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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