my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
