Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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