I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
organizing the empties. That sober.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Houston, we have a squirter
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize