What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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