dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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