There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
