Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
