My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
