Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she looked like the before picture.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
