This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
