I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Panties = found
Randomize
