I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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